Insighting Passion – Advice For Couples
By Richard & Lorraine Platt
Licensed Marriage and Family Therapists
Relationship Development Experts
7 Steps to Maintaining an Inspiring Relationship
1. Put Love First. Amidst our daily life, we often lose sight of what is most important. We get caught up in feelings, thoughts and activities that distract us from what is deeper. When you’re confused and upset, you can find your way back to center by looking towards love. Love is the lighthouse that guides you safely home. Love goes beyond words and feelings to include compassionate action. So, imagine what you would think, feel or say if you were loving your partner in the moment and let this guide your actions. For example, instead of defending yourself when your partner is upset, try to understand and imagine where they are coming from. This prevents power struggles and provides the space for true connection.
2. Be More of Who You Really Are. If you have created a healthy relationship then you are with someone who encourages your self-expression. There is only one thing you have to share with your partner that they cannot experience with someone else…complete intimacy . In order to have intimacy on all levels (sexual, spiritual, emotional, and intellectual) you must honestly show yourself, including your soft underbelly. Seeing and loving each other into fuller expression is the key to a profoundly passionate relationship. Be vulnerable enough to let your partner see who you really are and be ready to receive love and acceptance.
3. Give It Away. We have all been bruised by life and are fearful of being wounded again. Our first instinct when we are scared is to close off and minimize perceived threats. Unfortunately this makes life predictable, unfulfilling and limited. You will feel even more distant from your partner if you let the fear dictate your interactions. The best way to move beyond fear is to do the very thing you resist. If you want love…give your partner love, if you want attention or appreciation, give your partner these things. You are acting as if you love and trust your partner and you are bigger than your fears and wounds. Opening yourself and taking this risk with a trustworthy person brings in even more love and will heal the past for both of you.
4. Give up Being Right. Relationships flourish when you keep your eye on the highest good. When you’re focused on winning, often you’re trying to make the other lose. A successful relationship is about being teammates with a common goal. Your chosen partner is here to heal you and is bringing to light aspects of yourself that you cannot see. Therefore, always assume 100% responsibility for your experience, especially in a disagreement. Often there is something in what your partner is saying that is true.When you respond to your partner’s deeper message instead of reacting, you create a powerful experience of healing negative conditioning and initiate a deeper connection between you.
5. Open Your Partner. Intimacy requires taking risks and moving beyond what is comfortable. If you and your partner are distant from each other, be willing to reconnect. Set aside some quiet time to look into each other's eyes and breathe together. Hold hands and feel the precious presence of your partner. Stop everything else and be together. Making space to open yourself and your partner in this way will nurture your love and bring endless rewards for years to come.
6. Make Passion Your Purpose. Passion is the lifeblood of a juicy relationship. It is vital that you discover what brings you to life and do whatever it takes to keep the juices flowing. This includes every area, from food to sex to spiritual pursuits to your mission in the world. It is a powerful and hot relationship wherein the partners support and enhance each other’s passions. Evolving individually and becoming more of who you really are adds juice to your own life and to your relationship.
7. Get An Attitude of Gratitude. You get more bees with honey. What you focus on expands. So stay focused on what you want to grow. i.e. what is great about your partner and your life together, what your dreams are, what you want to manifest together etc. It has been clinically proven that relationships that have a high appreciation to criticism ratio stay passionately together for the long haul.
We wish you success and happiness in creating an inspiring relationship. We know that simply reading these steps can be like reading an article on how to play tennis. It is good information, but you only improve your skill through practice. Of course, players who want to learn quickly and easily hire a coach. We invite you to give yourself this life-changing support.
Richard and Lorraine are passionate partners who founded Passion & Purpose, a joint practice committed to providing love, laughter, and liberation to singles and couples. Visit www.passionpurpose.org or call 415-302-1700.